Thursday, December 15, 2016


My son took this picture yesterday afternoon. 
The entire day for me was incredibly stressful.

Because I KNOW the statistics.
Being an ER nurse was a blessing and a curse.
It was a blessing because this stuff wasn't foreign to me.
It was a curse because I know all the things that can and do go wrong.
As an ER nurse I know just enough to scare me. When I did work at EIRMC I took care of Open Heart patients. I know what can go wrong. I couldn't keep my mind from going to the scary places.
The overwhelming relief and gratitude when the surgeon finally came to talk to us and tell us about the surgery was too much for me. After he left the room I broke down and sobbed and sobbed. 
So thankful. So thankful.
I'm sure there are words in heaven reserved for the angels that would describe what I feel.
I know what I see in the ER when we get a patient that has had a cardiac arrest.
I know the statistics.
I know that even with bystander CPR only about 10% survive. Being neurologically intact is only 8%. 
With bystander CPR and early defibrillation those statistics raise to 30%.
Howie is a miracle. He has beaten the odds by leaps and bounds.
I know what I have seen in the ER.
So if I am little bit (or a lot) over the top on Facebook with every silly little picture or post or every little step forward... it's because I know.
And so when I finally got to see him for the first time after surgery I just had to feel his heart. 
And kiss his heart.
He is my world.
And for my blog, I know there are more posts in one week than I have done all year, but I don't ever want to forget the feelings and the miracles we have witnessed. It has been so amazing. The prayers and fasting and expressions of love.
I have felt the presence of angels and people around us were angels.

And I knew that when Howie is awake and aware enough, when he goes through all the Facebook posts that I posted he will be unhappy.  He's a very private person, in fact the kids said to me, "he's gonna be ticked". Well, for me it was the best way to let people know how he was doing. He has a large family, he works all over the country and we have some of the best friends in the world.


Momza said...

I appreciate that you've recorded this experience, Tauna. It's called "family history"--and this is part of yours. Howie will understand because from what I've learned about him through you, he's pretty awesome. SO grateful for your miracles...a lesson in faith to be long remembered.

Saimi said...

It's just crazy how quick life can turn. I'm so glad you are posting this experience especially if you book your posts. Momza is right it is called family history and needs to be recorded. It's the whole reason I still blog, I book my post once a year and call them my journals. Another reason you posting is a good idea is I needed to know so I can pray for you, your husband and family. I have a strong testimony of prayer and the miracles we receive. Your husband is a true testament of the power of prayer.