Monday, March 29, 2010

Ask-a-Nurse {Part III}


It's been awhile since the last edition of Ask-A-Nurse and I feel duty-bound to not let that happen again. if you want to read past Ask-a-Nurse posts you can find them here and here
I am concerned about your health.
I am concerned for your welfare.
And I am here for you. sniffle {wiping tears away}
I've been off work for a couple of weeks and it looks as though that will stretch for another couple of weeks.
You can read about that here just in case you are unable to sleep cuz you're so worried.
In an effort to retain my skillz as a super ninja nurse I'm keeping my skillz sharp by answering your questions.

Question #1 comes from Connie.
She asked a question months ago and I'm so sorry for the delay.
She was wondering which color of M&M was the healthiest. She was sure it was green but wanted to check with me for reassurance. Well Connie, I certainly hope you haven't been eating green M&M's! We all know what that leads to. I bet you thought that because it was green it could be considered a vegetable. Well, this isn't true.
The answer is that the brown M&M's are the healthiest. Chocolate is brown.
Therefore brown M&M's have no artificial color.
Also chocolate does come from the cacao bean. And we all know that beans are a great source of protein. We put that in our food storage. In case you ever run out of M&M's you could always eat beans and it would be just as satisfying. Really!

Question #2 comes from Kado. Cadance wanted to know what she should do for the vaccine for the H1N1 flu. She was worried because the vaccine is made from chickens and she's a vegan. Well, dear sweet silly Candance. Let me explain.
Chickens eat lettuce, spinach, radishes, apples and all sorts of other healthy items.
Therefore your H1N1 vaccine is made from a very healthy chicken. I shouldn't think you should need to worry any further.
(I'm not a vegan by the way. I hope we can still be friends.) I chose not to become a vegetarian when I saw a cow pooping in the pasture.

I had a profound realization that my food was pooping on your food.
That's all it took.

Question #3 comes from Mary. She used to be my boss. I miss her. She ruled with an iron fist around that ER, we were marching in military formation at the butt-crack of dawn. Anyway, back to her question. She asks what is the cure for insomnia.

WHAT? What do you mean insomnia? You aren't the ER manager anymore, what could you possibly be staying awake worrying about?
OK, I'm not bitter that you defected from the ER, really I'm not.....bitter.
Anyway I recommend a Mediterianian Cruise.
Oh, ya, I remember you've already taken my advice on this one and have one scheduled for May. But I'm not bitter or anything.
OK moving on.

The last question comes from Kristina. She recently returned from a Disneyland trip and her question was about weight loss. She was wondering if she would be able to keep her fabulous bikini figure by following the churro diet. My answer is yes. As long as you eat 43 of them. And I understand that snuggies are very slimming. And speaking of snuggies....she is 2 snuggies away from her goal of Snuggies for Seniors. Please head over and help her out.

Well, that wraps it up for this edition of Ask-A-Nurse. I hope your burning questions have been answered.
Be sure to send me your questions and I'll be glad to answer them in my next edition. Remember, no question is too difficult for me to answer...or make fun of!

26 comments:

Connie said...

You have just cured MY insomnia by answering my question!
I hope you get better soon.

kado! said...

I'm glad to know about the M&M's now! Looks like I'll be feeding my boys the brown ones from here on out!

i think i asked that question WAY back...luckily the H1N1 epidemic is over and I didn't even have to get the vaccine!

ha! of course we can still be friends...by husband and boys are steak eating BBQers...and I LOVE them! I'm trying to do my little part to offset the amount of meat that is eaten in our household! ...and me being Vegan is really my own secret diet plan...if something is off limits to eat it is much easier to convince myself to NOT put it in my mouth...so it does not end up on my hips!! (shh...don't tell anyone!)

gigi said...

Girlfriend, "I had a profound realization that my food was pooping on your food." Greatest come back ever!! You are way to funny this morning. Thank you for my morning giggle.
Sorry about your delay going back to work. But maybe you can craft me an Easter card! Maybe I should just send you warmthe and sunshine to melt your snow.

((hugs)) That's Hug a Nurse.

Cherie said...

Oh my gosh I'm going to be laughing all day over #2!!!! Ba ha ha ha ROTFLOL!!!!

right brain blog said...

Well Eutauna, I'm sorry about your ER mishap!!! Hope you get feeling better soon. You should consider a
secondary occupation in medical journalism maybe. The ER is probably pretty dull without you there :@(

Kristina P. said...

I must have been in a churro coma, because I don't even remember asking that question! Awesome!

Barbaloot said...

Are you sure brown ones are best? I know they're the most chocolate, but I always like red the most.

Mikki said...

I'm going to go stock my food storage shelf with brown m&m's right now!!
This was a very funny post! Thanks for the chuckle!

LKP said...

yeah, my food pooping on your food is the gem of the day!!! =)

Sherrie said...

You have just made my day! I can't pick myself up off of the floor because I am laughing so hard. "My food pooping on your food" is classic! Love It!

ladybugfamily said...

I must admit that I was shocked and appalled that the green M & M isn't considered a vegetable... Shocked I tell you.

And I am telling my Hubby that you are prescribing cruises to the Mediterranean for insomnia (which I suffer from and have for years... but no wonder as I have never been on a cruise to anywhere, let alone the Mediterranean!!).

I will have to give the health question some serious attention and come back later to ask one. I'm drawing a blank right now!!

Thanks for stopping by today :)

Victoria said...

Bahahahahaha! My kind of nurse. You should make this a weekly column:)

Ann Marie said...

"My food was pooping on your food" is the funniest thing I have heard all day. Thank you.

Most disturbing thing today.. when my cousin ( Nurse in Wound clinic ) wrote this as her status update on Facebook.. " When going for a visit to the Doctor, a snuggie should never be used in place of clothing... especially when you are obese and smell like a barn." So... sick.

Valerie said...

This is the best medical advice I have ever heard! Thanks for clearing up so many things for us.
I don't have insomnia, but I'm thinking a cruise is a good cure-all for many ailments! :)

Funny, funny stuff!!!

Yvonne said...

Ask a Nurse is always SO FUN. The poopin answer has to be my favorite.

Thanks.

I'll have to think of a good question and send it to you.

Aunt of 14 said...

I have missed you!!!! Your answers here are making me giggle :) I'm sorry your LOA has to be extended... :( Get better soon!!!

Brown M&M's... now I want chocolate...

Mary Z said...

OK, I admit I do miss bossing you ER nurses around just a little. If I had known what truly great advice you were capable of I would have gladly done away with the "no phone advice" rule.
Oh and the cruise...maybe we should have an ER reunion on a cruise ship. Now that would be fun.

Mary Z said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Z said...

Sorry my finger stuttered on the publish button.

wendy said...

What is wrong with me. How did I miss this next addition of Ask A Nurse.
am I loosing my mind... I would have asked your something.
did you privately post this?? in order to leave me OUT
It's a trick isn't it....to make me feel like I am loosing my mind?

I would have asked something like ---how can one loose weight from the comfort of their sofa. Is there some show I can WATCH??

You are such an awesome nurse...beside getting my botox injection...could you give me a pap smear??

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

You mean all these years I've been fighting children induced insomnia can be cured with a cruise?
Sweeeettt!! I'm all over that!

And I learned about the brown M&M things from watching "The Wedding Planner". Hehe

I'm suddenly feeling a desire to ask a question. I just need to think of a good one first! LOL!

Nef Fam said...

Oh my, you are simply fab!!!!!!!!!

April said...

Anything relating to bodily functions makes me laugh. I live with boys!

April said...

I heard a rumor, or rather read a rumor...that someone, namely you, are visiting St G soon? Ahem.....you need to email me! We will have to get together with Shelle and T for lunch!

LKP said...

no, i'm not a PW pick atleast not yet. those were just my entries. in my dreams i'm a pick though. =)
thanks on the moose pick. it was quite the experience. =)

wendy said...

It's me again. I like that photo of you and the hubby on your sidebar.
hot couple

what do you mean you won't give me a pap smear.