Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Ask-A-Nurse


Here in Idaho we used to have a 1-800 number that you could call to Ask-a-Nurse questions that you might have. Well, they did away with it, not sure why. Probably because of some dumb lawyer
Anyway, I have decided that I shall become the new 1-800 number. I'm generous like that. However, you may not like what I have to say. So when you submit your questions you better be prepared to thicken up your skin, cause I tell it like it is.

So here goes....
Question #1:
Do I have the flu?
Answer:
Yes, you probably do. However, be sure to take tylenol and motrin and stay home. Drink plenty of fluid and don't go shopping. Stay home to prevent further spread of the infection. If you choose to come to the Emergency Room be sure to wear a mask. If you choose NOT to wear a mask and if you choose to cough and hack in the nurses face while she is trying to do an assessment on you, and you don't even make an attempt to cover your mouth with your hands because they were obviously broken by the bad naughty flu bug, plan on having a mask slapped placed on your face.
Question #2:
How long will the flu last? And will Tamiflu help?
Answer:
The flu will last probably 2 two weeks. If you take Tamiflu it will be shortened significantly to 14 days.
Question #3:
If I need an ambulance to come to my house, what is the number to 9-1-1?
Answer:
9-1-1 (I have seriously had this phone call on more than one occasion)

OK, so that is all the time we have for this addition of Ask-A-Nurse. I hope you will stay tuned for upcoming episodes and be sure to submit your questions.

14 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Does this hangnail mean I have cancer?

Ann Marie said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

I needed a good laugh today.
Thanks...

I think they did away 1-800 ask a Nurse.. because everytime I called it.. they just told me to " go in and be seen! " OK.. THANKXBYE!

Cherie said...

I would love to have you for a nurse!!!! That was great!!

Q: If my thigh hurt yesterday and I have a cramp in my neck tonight what is wrong with me?

Sage Hanks said...

My Morgyn got hit with the flu bug.... and EVERYONE asked... why aren't you going to take her to the hospital... i said cause there is nothing they can do now and I don't want anyone else to get sick.... then my favorite... well are you coming to church tomorrow? NO!!!!!!!!!!

Connie said...

What a good, informative, nurse you are! I can't imagine being around all the germs you have to be around! Yikes!
Can't wait for Ask-A-Nurse part 2! I better think of a question that needs to be answered.

Kim said...

1-800 Ask-A-Nurse, if I go to the MD office and they swab me, for the flu, and then come back and tell me I have the "swine" flu, is that accurate? The MD gave me tama-flu so it must be true. Right?

Will you clarify that one for me?

ps--I am giggling :)

Mary Z said...

Are you the one giving out phone advice in the ER? Bad nurse, bad nurse! Remember, what would Mary do?

Dream Weaver Family said...

I know what Mary would do....she would slap your hands, bad nurse and your advice.

wendy said...

Thanks, I was so confused about the whole flu thing. I always thought coughing let those nasty germs out ---cough right out into the air----otherwise if you cough in a mask then the germs just go back into you??? Well, you straightened me out.
And with medicine, 14 days is significantly better then 2 weeks. (so dang funny!!)

Hey, my question:
If I continue with my daily food groups of french fries, and Dairy Queen Blizzards ....will that ensure my girlish figure????

In some way you are reminding me of the Fruitcake Lady on the Jay Leno show(before he left his night show)

Kristin said...

My question is this... If you go teach piano lessons to a child, and one of the kids has H1N1, and they tell you half way through the lesson, so you finish leave and have angry thoughts. Then you go back the next week and they tell you the entire family has it. Is it okay to.
1. Wash yourself with clorox
2. Never go back to said house
3. Wear a space suit when you go or
4. ask, ask a nurse

kado! said...

ohhh...you have me laughing at the Tamiflu one...oh..you are hilarious!

even my 4 year old knows that 911 IS the dang # that you call!!!! some people...but without them...who would we laugh at??!! ;)

Sondra said...

Fun-NY! Really there isn't a shorter flu time with Tamaflu? It's really 2 weeks? Holy cow, I guess I didn't realize it was that long. Most people seem to be fine with-in a week. I hope if I contact the H1N1 flu it will be mild and shorter then 2 weeks. Yikes.
People really don't have common sense do they? My sister is a nurse to.... she makes me laugh at all the dumb things too.

gigi said...

You are to cute, little nurse. I'm off to write down my questions. Smiles!

Emma said...

Funny thanks for the heads up!!!!