If you come to see me I expect a few things from you.
Pain. If you are in it....act like it.
No laughing, texting, throwing emesis basins at your friends visiting you. That behavior doesn't justify the awesome narcotics you want.
Sympathy. If you have had 6 beers and a half bottle of whiskey by noon and you come to the ER saying you don't feel good....you ain't gonna get it.
Patience. Your stubbed toe doesn't trump the cardiac arrest I'm workin' on. Don't get all cranky at me for your 15 minute wait. I'll get to ya when I'm done shocking the guys heart! Got it?
Praise. If I've just spent the last 30 minutes holding your sweet little darling down and getting an IV in his little hand on the first try while he screamed and kicked and swore at me...
HE isn't the one that was such a good boy... "
oh you is mamas good 'ittle sweetheart you did so good"
It was me that was so good. I'm the one that hit that moving target on the first try while I took a foot to the lip. Thanks for holding that foot down by the way.
Brains If you have them, use them.
If you are going to go out with some friends and put gasoline in glass jars and break the jars and light them on fire. You just MIGHT get burned. And YES it will hurt if you do.
Smarts Find it. Cramps at "that time of the month" does NOT justify an ambulance ride. Really. It especially doesn't justify roommates running all stop lights trying to keep up with said ambulance. (Ya, the ambulance guys did say they would bring you in the ambulance. They could have told you that you didn't need to go in the ambulance, but when you use the term "that time of the month" it sorta freaks them out and they'll do anything to get rid of you.)
NOTY (Nurse of the Year)
Glad this three day stretch is over. My day ended up being a 17 hour day due to a "schedule mixup" which resulted in no nurse at shift change to relieve me. So I worked an additional 5 hours in that madhouse.
I'm really glad nurses week is over. I'm tired of being nice.