Friday, May 14, 2010

{Open letter to my patients today}

Dear Patients in the ER,

If you come to see me I expect a few things from you.

Pain. If you are in it....act like it.
No laughing, texting, throwing emesis basins at your friends visiting you. That behavior doesn't justify the awesome narcotics you want.

Sympathy. If you have had 6 beers and a half bottle of whiskey by noon and you come to the ER saying you don't feel good....you ain't gonna get it.

Patience. Your stubbed toe doesn't trump the cardiac arrest I'm workin' on. Don't get all cranky at me for your 15 minute wait. I'll get to ya when I'm done shocking the guys heart! Got it?

Praise. If I've just spent the last 30 minutes holding your sweet little darling down and getting an IV in his little hand on the first try while he screamed and kicked and swore at me...
HE isn't the one that was such a good boy... "
oh you is mamas good 'ittle sweetheart you did so good"

It was me that was so good. I'm the one that hit that moving target on the first try while I took a foot to the lip. Thanks for holding that foot down by the way.

Brains If you have them, use them.
If you are going to go out with some friends and put gasoline in glass jars and break the jars and light them on fire. You just MIGHT get burned. And YES it will hurt if you do.

Smarts Find it. Cramps at "that time of the month" does NOT justify an ambulance ride. Really. It especially doesn't justify roommates running all stop lights trying to keep up with said ambulance. (Ya, the ambulance guys did say they would bring you in the ambulance. They could have told you that you didn't need to go in the ambulance, but when you use the term "that time of the month" it sorta freaks them out and they'll do anything to get rid of you.)

Sincerely,
NOTY (Nurse of the Year)

Glad this three day stretch is over. My day ended up being a 17 hour day due to a "schedule mixup" which resulted in no nurse at shift change to relieve me. So I worked an additional 5 hours in that madhouse.

I'm really glad nurses week is over. I'm tired of being nice.

19 comments:

Queenie Jeannie said...

You poor thing!! Get some sleep, some good food and maybe ink up a couple of stamps!

You rock - don't forget it hun!!!!!

Cherie said...

Oh my gosh! You should totally do a once a week thing on "What you've seen in the ER" crazy people and crazy stuff!
I hope you get in a few days of rest and relaxation before you go back to the madhouse!!!!!

Connie said...

You make me laugh!

You really are NOTY! And believe me when I say, I'm impressed with the fact you can get the IV in that moving target. I've been poked 3 times before the IV's in and I'm not kicking and screaming!

Hope you can get some R&R this weekend! You deserve it!

Kristina P. said...

Oh, wow! I don't know how you manage to stay awake. And somewhat sane. :)

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Sorry, but I think that TOTALLY tops a climbing monkey child.
I hope you get LOTS of sleep!!!

linda said...

This is EXACTLY why I don't work in the ER!! You truly are NOTY!!

Happy Mom said...

I'm embarrassed to admit that I've never thought of things from the nurses point of view... a whole new perspective.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Wow your job is a treasure trove of blogging opportunities. Probably against some hippa regulation huh?

nursing is kind of like mothering, ot a lot of credit, lots of blame.

way to go.

Kim said...

awe! Sweet music to my hears. NOT!! We have crazies too! Execpt I need to come up ith an open letter for said AGENCY nurses whose pt is having a seizure and basically calls me to help and then wants me to also call MD--so with that said I don't get paid the BIG bucks to take care of your pt and mine too.

I am on my the last night of my 3 day stretch with one day off and then another 3 night stretch. Day shift for me starts June 14! YIPEE for me!!!!

JoAnn said...

Hey! Are you stillllllll working or did you hear the shout out to you and Bish @ Stake Conf?? I thought to myself, "That's my NOTY!" I'm so proud -- and sooooo wanting to fake some weird ailment so I can come visit you in the ER.... hmmmm..... ingrown nostril hair, sore bum cheeks from bike riding (that one's true), eyelashes that won't stay curled....

But, alas, I can't do another bajillion dollar hospital bill. *sigh* :)

April said...

Maybe now you should take a ride in an ambulance to the ER 'just for fun'. LOL!

M-Cat said...

As a frequent visitor of the ER over the past two/three years, I'm gonna have to say I feel confident that I haven't been/done any of the things below.

And to the nurse whom I screamed profanities at when she MISSED my vein placing the IV when I was dying in pain of a kidney stone, I apolgize. Again. I really am a nice person. Just not when I am going cross eyed in pain and you're jabbing around trying to find my rolled vein in my left arm, when my husband specifically warned you, to go with the right arm. GO RIGHT.


Tauna, I need you here. At my ER. Please

Barbaloot said...

And this is one of those days where I'm very happy I don't work in the medical field.

Mikki said...

Oh! so, I guess I'd better not complain to you about how I had to work two extra hours over my shift last night huh?

Those are some seriously crazy people, and I have a feeling that's a slow night for you.
God bless you Tauna!! You totally deserve the Nurse of the Year award!

Yvonne said...

That is way too funny. The ER must be a real crazy place to work.

I guess it would be tough to sleep with that much action.

LOL at the ambulance drivers being afraid of her because it is "that time of the month"

Aunt of 14 said...

HAH!!!! Paramedics afraid of you because it's your time of the month! Hahaha!

Try hurling in the back of the ambulance. They don't like that much either!

I hope you got lots of rest and relaxation! I love hearing things from your perspective.

The American Homemaker said...

My ex was a paramedic... I used to hear stories like those every day LOL

Braden said...

Wow. I have a new appreciation for nurses. Your patients sound as, um, lively as my students.

kado! said...

oh my 17 hour shift??!! You deserve to have all the really nice knocked unconscious patients...that is the least they could do for you! (they don't talk back...right?!)