Sunday, May 12, 2013

I WASN'T PERFECT AFTER ALL

I've personally been acquainted with 34
Mother's Days.

I finally had children so I could be the
perfect mother!
"I'm never gonna....."
"I'm always gonna...."
"My kids will always..."
"My kids will never..."

I guess my kids didn't read the manual.

So I fumbled through the Motherhood thing.
Sometimes pretty badly.

I remember every moment of inpatience.
Every word I shouldn't have said.
Every moment I wasn't there.
Every word I should have said but didn't.

I remember them.
Sometimes I lie awake over them.
And I've shed many tears about them.

Howie wrote me a note this morning.
Before he flew out of town for the week.
I saved that note until tonight.

He told me I was the mother that our children needed.

He's told me that before.
But today it felt different.

Maybe I was the right mom for them.

Today I held the hands of my daughters.
My 34 year old and my 21 year old.

Today I hugged my mother.

And I hugged my daughters
And I hugged a granddaughter

I wasn't a perfect mother.

But I believe I loved each of my 5 children perfectly.
Unconditionally perfectly.

And maybe...
just maybe...
it's OK that I wasn't perfect after all.

24 comments:

Queenie Jeannie said...

Such wise words!!! I have no doubt you were an awesome mother...imperfections included! Big hugs!!!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

You were perfect for them in all your imperfection. :) (We're all imperfect though and we all feel as if we could have done it better. You're not alone there!)

Momza said...

Don't we all feel those feelings at times? The pang of regret for our younger, impatient, tired selves?
Your Howie is a wise man..hope your Mother's Day was perfect too.

Julia said...

Either way, you made an awesome mother and your kids are making you proud. You did a great job of being a mother and you passed with flying colors.

Hugs,
JB

Kristina P. said...

I have always been able to tell, by your posts, what a loving, nurturing mom you are. And it's clear your kids agree.

Connie said...

Well said. No mother that I know of feels they are anywhere near to perfection...I like what your husband said and I am sure you were the perfect mother that your children needed. Maybe we mother's need to stop being so hard on ourselves and claim what we did do right and ask for forgiveness for what we messed up on. I have never met the "perfect" mother, does she even exist?

Debbie Jones said...

Thanks so much for this post. You really sum up how I feel. I tend to focus on all the times I came up short and so Mother's Day is NOT my favorite holiday. I usually end up in tears (and not tears of joy) before the day is out. Yesterday was no exception. I love the note your husband gave you. So true. God is in charge and he knew the mother we would be before He sent children. He gave both us and our children what we would need to grow. It is sometimes a challenge to focus on what we have done right even when things turn out wrong. It is comforting to know that the atonement makes up for what we lack. Thanks again for sharing. It is so good to know that I am not the only mom who feels this way!

gigi said...

Thank you.
Loves!

jen said...

I think it takes us years of mothering to come to the realization that we don't have to be perfect to love them. We love them, and we make mistakes. We love them, and we cause hurt. We love them, and they make poor choices.

But we still love them, and that's all that matters in the end, because who else will love them the way we do?

Ginger said...

So very true. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Our children are sent to us because we have what they need. And we are never going to do it perfectly. We can't. It's impossible. I love my mom even though I KNOW she made mistakes with me and my sisters. So that's how I know my kids will still love me, even though I mess up too. We do the best we can and leave the rest up to the Lord and it will all work out. I truly believe that. Thanks for your post. It's great.

" Hit It......." said...

I can't tell you how perfect this post was. We are so alike my friend. I guess we all try to be perfect, but the reality is that we are doing the best we can until we know better.

Love those pictures of all four generations of you all. You are a beautiful lady inside and out.

mCat said...

Perfectly imperfect! We ARE the mother's that our children needed. Asked for. Wanted.

Bask in your perfect imperfections because in the end - they are perfect!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

We do the best we can do and I'm sure you were a great mom! We have all said the wrong things at to,e but one thing we did was love them as hard as we could. Happy Mother's Day!

Lisa said...

I love this. Absolutely love this. I just talked with a friend of mine yesterday who was consumed with angst over a perceived motherhood failure. And I have been in her shoes more often than I'd like. But you're right—we are perfect for our children. And will eventually become perfected in our trials, which some of us may consider our children to be...depending on the day. ;) Thanks for this post.

Ruth said...

Sniff, sniff. I love your girls so much! You are the most amazing neighbour, friend, and example. I have learned so much from you and Howard. Thank you for being exceptional...and for loving us in spite of our own shortcomings.

Betty said...

Beautifully written. Beautifully said.

Maple Lane said...

Your love for your family is evident in all you do. Lovely photo.

wendy said...

I do believe you WERE and ARE the perfect mother for YOUR children. pfsst, I have a dislike for "perfect mothers" (tee,hee)
I've blown the whole motherhood so many times, I'm surprised my kids didn't want a rebate.
we do our best
and LOVE LOVE LOVE till our hearts are going to explode
and I love every little "unperfectness" about you

(I sure haven't been into bloggin lately, not making time to read them or have the desire to write anything.)

MZ said...

Lucky kiddos you have!

Saimi said...

Loving your children perfectly as only a mother can do makes you the perfect mother!

Beautiful picture of you girls!

life in red shoes said...

Oh my, we continue on, perfectly imperfect.
One day at a time :)

tammy said...

I love that he tells you that. That is perfect. A good thing for all of us to remember about ourselves.

xo

Marydon said...

What a FABULOUS share Tauna ... melts my heart ... yet every word is so true for all of us.
TTFN ~
Hugs,
Marydon

Mikki said...

It's kind of strange that this post just popped up in my reader tonight. But, I'm glad it did; it's a beautiful post. Happy belated Mother's Day!!