Monday, August 23, 2010

Breaking and Entering..........(For reals!)

On Thursday I was up at the crack-o'-dawn for another fun-filled day of illness, lacerations and broken parts.
I worked for 12 long hours!
When I got home I went with my neighbor to a Planning and Zoning hearing.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(I'm just trying to stay current with some neighborhood proposals.)
When I got home at 11:00 P.M. I found myself in a very uncomfortable predicament.

#1. My better half is still in Canada.
#2. My house and yard is DARK!
#3. I didn't take my cell phone to the P&Z meeting.
#4. I didn't take my purse or keys cuz I rode with my neighbor.
and finally...
#5. My doors are all locked!

I never lock my doors except when the better half is gone.

So here I am alone.
In the dark.
Locked out.
No phone.
After a LONG day.
Just for the record, I did NOT say a swear word.

So I did what any other insane person would do.
I cried.
Then.....
I got the ladder out of the garage.
Went to the very back window.
Had a panic attack..........I'm terrified of heights, even if it's only two stories.

Had another panic attack.....I'm terrified of spiders and there might be spiders up there. (I loathe spiders!)

Had another panic attack......cuz what if I fall off the ladder and break something and no one finds me for days?

Had another panic attack thinking that my husband would have the nerve to get another wife after the funeral was over!!!!!

So weak-kneed I climbed to the top of the Empire State Building. (Ok I exaggerate a little.)
I really tried to take out the screen. Really.

I tried.

I broke a nail even.

I realized that the longer I stayed WAY UP THERE, the greater the chance I had of crashing to the ground.
So...

I put my fist through the screen, slid open the window and somersaulted onto the guest bed.
I felt sorta like Harrison Ford.

And
It sorta felt good to bust a screen.

See, I told ya it was way up there!

My hubby got home and said he's gonna buy me a chain with my house key to wear around my neck.

Isn't he a giver?

On Friday evening I did some engagement photos for a gal I work with.
I was nervous, but I had a blast.

Does it get better than a wheat field?

I also sorta went camera crazy with this old homestead!
I loved it!
We did some fun pictures with the engaged couple here too.
Then on my way home I had to stop and take a few pictures of this:

Saturday we enjoyed a huge family reunion.
We were there honoring and celebrating my mother-in-laws 90th Birthday!
She's an amazing woman.
 

She lost her husband 31 years ago and has buried 4 of her 10 children.
She is strong, faithful and uplifting to anyone she is around.
Happy Birthday Mom!

I am now hoping for a boring week.
A warning to all icky stalkers and creepy people:
My hubby is home, we have a gun, I now lock my door and I know how to use sharp objects!

52 comments:

Kristina P. said...

You are practically the Pioneer Woman.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

If it came down to you and Harrison Ford, iI'd put my money on you.

He may have been good with a whip 30 years ago, but I trust your current skills with the scalpel.

Awesome.

And Happy birthday to you MIL! She sounds amazing!

Barbaloot said...

I don't know what I'd do if I locked myself out! I'm impressed you conquered all your fears---after a long, hard day---and still broke in:)

By the way---my dad and brother are both doctors. My brother is actually an ER doc in Draper. You don't work there do you?

Saimi said...

Wow Missy, I am impressed! I especially like the little flip onto the bed.

Just looking at your ladder gave me the heebie jeebie's as I'm not a lover of heights either!

Step aside Harrison Ford, there's a new hero in town!

Julie Harward said...

LOL...I just love you! I always get a lift here! First of all..get an extra key and put it outside of the house where only you know where it is, that has saved my butt many times! It seems funny to me that you are a nurse, handling extreme situations (they would be for me anyway) and yet you are a scaredy cat about a ladder and spiders! LOL I think you are strong and not just because you broke the screen! ;D

Beth at Aunties said...

Tauna, You plain make me laugh out loud each and every time I visit!
Harrison Ford has nothing on the spider defying, screen ripping ER nurse who breaks the law and enters into aircrafts with a scapel in hand and smiles ass attendants offer her beverage of choice.
I am with Julie, hide a key!!! :)
Hugs and be safe!

Beth at Aunties said...

excuse me that was suppose to be only one s! Some times the sssss's get away from me:D

Ann Marie said...

A somersault on to the guest bed... lol!! Oh Tauna.. you crack me up.

Do you have NO neighbors? You are brave..as I would have never climbed around in the dark alone!

My solution:
Go to the neighbors and call Kimmie. Let her husband figure out how to get in while you eat some good food with her and have a nice chat. :)

That screen should be a keeper/reminder of your skills! :)

90 years is awesome.
Grateful the hubby is home. :)

Mildred said...

Your MIL is beautiful - happy bdy to her! That is so funny about the window. I once had to do that and ended up falling into a cast iron bathtub - ouch! Glad better half is back - hope you have a boring week!

Those are great pictures you shared.

Cherie said...

Tauna you crazy woman! I could just picture you up on that ladder looking for spiders in the dark!!

BTW "I'm coming for you - Beware!! (evil laughter!!!)

Happy Birthday to your MIL - 90 is quite a milestone :-)

Lisa said...

You had me freaking out at the spider mention. I'm with you on that there creature fear. And heights. And dark, scary nights without a husband. And next time, call me and I'll come get you.

Life is good! said...

isn't the real solution for hubby to quite traveling! even if it means being unemployed and poor, but able to take care of you! glad you did not fall and break anything. what a hero. i'll keep your phone # around for when i need a climber!

g.suzie said...

Oh Tauna, there is never a dull moment with you, stealing the ambulance, now breaking and entering!
Howard is gonna have to lock you up. . .Happy Birthday to your cute MIL!!! Luv ya

Kim said...

So now we can add burglar and somersalt extrodinare to your already long list of talents. I laugh all the time when I read what you write wishing someday I am as funny as you.

Thanks for the laugh. Love you.

Connie said...

So, now you see that it would be hard for a burglar with fear of heights to break in to your home! Glad your hubby is home and that you have a gun! You never know when you may need one or the other!

Your MIL looks fantastic!

Debby said...

Oh no, that is not a good position to be in. Sorry about that. Hope you MIL had a great birthday. How sad to have buried 4 of her children.

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Oh no I was horrified when I read the part about you climbing the ladder. You know me after my accident I encourage everyone to please stay on the ground.
Thank God you made it inside without hurting yourself.
I would of had the same panice attacks myself. I hate spiders too.
Please promise me you will not do that again
Love
Maggie

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Sweetie you need to hide a key outside on the ground where I won't have to worry about you doing this again
Love
Maggie

Homer and Queen said...

A town where you don't lock your doors? Huh? I don't get it. Do you live in Mayberry? Really?

M-Cat said...

Look at you all breaking and entering all on your own! You go girl!

LKP said...

alright indiana joan! way to show that screen who was boss. =)

...and i want to see more of your shoot!

...and that field? can we say white & ready to harvest much?! i adore wheat fields. =)

p.s.
i'm counting down the days!!!!! 9.5 days till i head your direction. will be soooo much fun!

Queenie Jeannie said...

AND you punched out a screen!! You are so bada$$, lol!

gigi said...

Okay, can you say, "Holiday Inn Express" they have wonderful beds and excellent cinnamon rolls.

Another thing, for about $100.00 you can replace your front door lock to a keyless entry lock. We did this about 3 years ago and it has save our butts many a time. No one has been locked out in 3 years and no one has had a fight or had to break in any windows. May sound expensive but it has really been a blessing around here. They key out side is cheaper but we tried that for a while and we even managed to screw that up because we failed to put it back on many occasion.

Beautiful MIL.

Beautiful pictures and good luck on the up coming photo taking events :)

Yvonne said...

You are sooooooo funny.

I'm still laughing at the "had another panic attack thinking my husband would have the nerve to get another wife after the funeral" ; )

I think if Harrison Ford ever needs a stunt double--you're the woman ; ))

Happy Birthday to your mother-in-law. She must be an amazing woman. She is beautiful.

Lisa Loo said...

You kill me! I soo get the "whatcha gonna do when the hubby isn't at home?"
I have no idea how those pioneer women of old sent their men off on missions and stayed at home and took care of everything else! I am such weak sauce.
I was smiling through the whole post but laughed out loud when you punched the screen and played ninja and imagined your face after you landed--all shocked and proud at the same time.
Then really laughed as you just casually went on to photography and reunions and birthdays like-no big deal. You kill me. Oh, did I already say that???

The American Homemaker said...

I have broken into my house SO many times!!! My kids have too LOL

Way to be brave :)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Look how smart you are? I'm not sure I would even have thought of that. I would have resorted to driving to a motel and just staying there. Crying and pitying myself.

Way to over come your fear.

I kinda giggled cause you wrote this funny!!!

Not at you... with you... WITH YOU!

Kazzy said...

You surely are like Harrison Ford! I am impressed.

A ladder would have scared me a little bit too. And spiders? Don't even get me started!

One Cluttered Brain said...

LOL. Yeah...I don't how I missed this one! You are freaking hilarious!
Love you!
you cay I am hilarious...I could just see you try to break into your house...
Spiders..EW. HATE em.
Heights me too..HATE heights!
CONGRATS on getting inside..sorry about the snoozer mtg you went to. Maybe things will pass that you want to pass...

wendy said...

Oh relax Tauna...your hubby won't get another wife THAT soon...he'll wait a week of that I am certain.

so if YOU can punch your hand through the screen, what about the slasher dudes....just don't have an accessible ladder near by.

I wasn't thinking of Harrison Ford...I was thinking more like Bourne Supremecy or something.

and I totally agree with your "order" of doing things
FIRST GET THE PANIC ATTACK OUT OF THE WAY

you rock
I mean punch and roll

wendy said...

OH wait, I need to give kudos to your mother in laws.
90
wow!!!!!!!!!! she looks amazing

Mikki said...

You rock Tauna!!! Love this post.

Great photos btw!!! Gorgeous!

Momza said...

Pioneer Woman's got nothing on you!
Amazing.
love the pic of your MIL...I hope I'm around for a good long time.
Gorgeous pics too. Who can resist a golden wheat field?? Ya did good!

JoAnn said...

You are CRACKING me up? Is there never a dull moment with you? :)

Bish's mom must be an incredible lady. How awesome to celebrate her 90 years!

See you tonight, amiga... you are fab.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness, you are so darn funny. LUB your guts!!!! haa hahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Laura Lynn said...

Just take matters into your own hands - way to go!
You cracked me up about your panic attacks. The nerve of him to go get another wife - hahaha.

I'm glad you were ok though. My friend's dad fell off of a roof last year and wasn't found for about 10 hours. He is confined to a wheel chair now and has had to come to grips with that, but he is doing better and is getting back to his happier self.

tammy said...

Breaking and entering into your own house...that is funny! Good thing the cops didn't arrest you. I've always found comfort in the fact that my kids could crawl through the dog door if I ever needed them too. Except now they're getting too big. Guess I better have a back-up plan.

Laura said...

I'm glad you got back into your house. And I'm glad you cried. It makes me feel better about the times I've almost cried this week!

I'm also a little disturbed at how easily you broke and entered... Lock your windows too!

Valerie said...

I am glad to hear it was you breaking and entering while your hubby was gone and not some stranger. I was scared for you at first!

Love those pics you took!!

Nezzy said...

Girl ya crack me up with the Harrison Ford move and all. I did the same thing when Hubby was out of state only I was in my jammies. I went outside at dawn to sit and watch the sunrise while eatin' my yogert and the door accidentally locked. Just me, my Victoria Secrets and a spoon.

I had watched an ex-criminal show how easy it is to break into a sliding glass door with only a screwdriver. I fumbled around in Hubs toolbox on the carport and opened the door like a pro.

Note: We have since replaced the sliding door with Steel French doors with deadbolts!

God bless ya and have a fantastic day sweetie!

Krista said...

You had me cracking up! Your panic attacks! I can't believe you would climb the ladder, knowing darn well that you treat people at the hospital who fall off of ladders all the time! Head injuries - spinal injuries - are you crazy? We know the answer, I'm proud of you for conquering your fears. Don't do it again! I would have stayed in a hotel with all the amenities.

Not so Molly Mormon After-All said...

WOW! You lived to tell about it! Congrats!!!! :-)

Queenie Jeannie said...

I can't find your stamping blog! You have two listed in your profile, but when I click on them, there aren't any posts! I KNOW you have posts somewhere, lol!!!

I not only didn't get to be the stamping Queen this week, I didn't make the court either. Told ya so!! I really don't like the card that one and there were several that were just fabulous! You can never tell with these things...

~Wyatt~Brittney~Brecken~ said...

You CRACK me up!

Kimmie said...

Tauna, I have missed you!! What a night you had! Your way of telling stories always makes me laugh.

There is nothing worse than having hubby out of town and getting locked out of the house. Maybe, you should keep a spare keye somewhere around the outside of the house where no-one would find it (we have done that).

I had no idea you were into taking photos and WOW, you captured the beauty of the wheat fields, old buildings, engaged couple and sunset perfectly!! You have such a talent for that! The second photo of the building could be framed!

I'm so glad to read that Howie is home and that you got to enjoy the fun of having grand kids around for the weekend.(I saw your cute hubby today at work).

What a blessing to have parents still alive! I had no idea that Howie has 9 siblings and his mother is absolutely adorable and I can tell she is the mother of your hubby.

Enjoy each moment you get with her. My father is only in his 60's and if he makes it another few years I will be surprised. It is sad he has lived a glutenous lifestyle and hasn't taken care of this health. He has congestive heart failure, is on blood thinners (almost bled to death a few weeks ago from cutting his hand...had to go to the ER twice to get the bleeding stopped and they finally had to give him a transfusion), he has really bad gout and they have put him on a strict purine free diet. It makes me sad he hasn't taken care of himself because his kids and grandkids are going to miss out on him being there.

Anywho, sorry to ramble about that. I just think it's awesome when people have their parents and grandparents around to enjoy.

Hope it's a less eventful week for you and enjoy Howie being home!!

Thanks for being one of the nicest friends in the world and for all of your sweet, and uplifting words of kindness you so freely give!!

Kimmie said...

Just read Ann Marie's comment...you should have called me, Tracy is a "fix everything" kind of guy and would have been more than happy to help you!!

BTW...funny side note; when we were dating, we locked our keys in our car. Mind you, this is back in 1990 when the door locks were right next to the window and Tracy took a hanger formed it into a hook and pushed it through the weather stripping that seals the door closed and was able to "pull" up the lock and get our car unlocked. We then had to repair the weather stripping with glue, but it worked.

Thanks for always making me laugh "Indiana Joan gal"!!

LKP said...

yes i DID take the pic of the owl. he was too much to resist. today's the first day of school. couldn't resist posting it. took me back to adventures in the hundred acre woods & all the wisdom Owl represented there. (: can't wait to see you too!

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Came by to check on you. Hope you have not been locked out since this post.
Girl stay on the ground take it from one who knows how a fall can totally change your life forever.
Thanks honey for leaving me a comment about Ms. Pearl. Yep she has reared her ugly head again. lol
At least she had a long break from yelling.
Love
Maggie

Brenda said...

I agree..hide a key! You are too funny! Come hang out anytime in my sewing room!

Thanks for your uplifting thoughts!
You brighten my day!

Thanks for the laughs! I needed them. Will I survive four boys??!

Have a great weekend!
Love, Brenda

Scrappy Girl said...

It does feel good to bust a screen. A few years ago my husband had piled up these frames that were made for our porch. They look like just the wood frames of a wall covered in screen. Put them up and Voila! screened in porch...but only when you want it. Well...I had begged and begged for him to move them out of the yard and down to the barn. He got all snotty with me and started bossing me and trying to carry his end 60 mph across the yard expecting me to keep up. Well, something snapped...I took both my feet and smashed through the whole stack of screens...not just once, but several times. And I was screaming like a lunatic the whole time. I ended up tripping and landing flat on my back. I just laid there and screamed some more. Dr. hubby went in the house...lol. Not my brightest moment...lol. Glad you are safe.

Doran & Jody said...

MOMMA! I got the best "screen" cure for ya!

Buy a touch pad lock. That was the best investment we made. I even INSTALLED it MYownself!! I'll come do one for you for some of you chocolates!

Now I don't panic when I lock my keys in the house. Or when I go run, I don't have to pack keys with me!

Woot! Call my when my chocolates are ready!

Braden said...

Someday remind me to tell you about the time I drove through our garage door.

You are an amazing photographer--you have serious skills!