Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Caution...hormonal randomness

After nearly 31 years....
Five offspring...
A bazillion diapers...some were actually cloth diapers when I was going through my "earth mother" phase. Glad when THAT ended! .
Years of lost sleep...
Spit up...
Stitches...
Broken things....legs, lamps, toys and teeth
Baby drool and snot....
Nearly 31 years of having my offspring think I was the most smartest mommy ever and could fix it all with a bandaid and a kiss on the forehead.
31 years!
I'm officially
an Empty-nester.

I'm not sure how I feel.

My hubby is in Canada right now. Maybe he should have postponed his trip...in case I fall apart.

My house is as clean as I left it this morning at 0-dark-thirty.

I came home and had cereal for dinner.
I ate the Charms out of the Lucky Charms.
I can hear the clock ticking. The house is so quiet. I'm not used to quiet.
I'm more of a chaos kinda girl.

I am bored.

I decided to clean out my purse.

I have a scalpel in it.
Is that weird?

Is there anyone else with a scalpel in their purse?
One of the docs was gonna use it for something, then changed his mind. It ended up in my scrub pocket.
Now it's in my purse.
Cuz ya never know when you might have to cut the umbilical cord or something.

Maybe I'll be useful with a scalpel..or not.

Maybe someone will need my awesome bandaid skills or forehead-kiss skills.
Cuz I'm an empty-nester.
And I don't think my offspring need them anymore.

What I don't understand is how 31 years went so fast.
Seriously it was just yesterday that I was bringing home my little baby girl.

And I was scared to death that I was gonna break her.
And the nurses were scared I was gonna break her.
(It might have been after nursing her for the first time and I was holding her and the nurse came in and asked me if I had burped her. I looked at her and said "oh, I didn't know how old they had to be before you had to burp them")

But I didn't break her and I went on to do it four more times!

31 years ago Jimmy Carter was the President.
Gasoline was 67 cents a gallon.
Our car was a Toyota Celica ST
Just yesterday right?

Somebody needs to tell me how I'm supposed to feel.

38 comments:

Kristina P. said...

The whole breaking thing is why babies scare me.

Mary Z said...

I always say that the only thing worse than having them leave is when they come back.
You will get used to the empty nest and love it.

Happy Mom said...

WOW!! What a bizarre moment after all the busyness and chaos, to be able to hear the clock tick!!

How bittersweet.

Do you ever just sit and think about the possibilities and wonder which one you'll choose?

Julie Harward said...

I loved this post...I can so relate. Two years ago my last...my baby got married, I didn't cry when she went away to college but when she got married it hit me so hard...my baby, my last one...all gone..I cried sad mama tears.
Then the grand children start filling life up and the relationship gets even better with the kids (as I still call them)...On the bright side, now you'll have more time to blog! LOL Now put that sharp thing away! Come say hi :D

Brenda said...

I only have 1 gone and 5 still at home so I can't really relate to that empty nest thing. BUT, I do know how VERY hard it was to LET my daughter get married and move far away...TOO HARD!
BUT, I think cereal for dinner sounds GREAT!
Being a Mom is the greatest, hardest thing I have ever done!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Awwwwww, shucks. That is so sweet and sad and funny. The scalpel. hee hee Only you. But oh, the clock ticking and the cereal for dinner.

I wish I could come over and watch Becoming Jane or Ya Ya Sisterhood with you. Or something like that. Anything to get you through the night. Over the hump. I will be a mess when that happens. I tear up just thinking about it. You're right. It goes sooooo darn fast.

LY!

I signed up for CBC yesterday. Just for you.

linda said...

We became empty nesters 3 years ago when our daughter went off to ASU. I cried the whole 9 hours home and for 2 weeks afterward. Funny thing, now that we're used to it, we're kinda glad when they leave. We like a quiet, clean house these days!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Anytime you feel like cleaning a house or changing some diapers, just stop on by!

And I have a scalpel! Well, not in my purse but in my house! i use it for my bookbinding!

As hard as now is sometimes, I'm pretty sure I'll miss it when it's gone.

Cherie said...

Tauna I can't even imagine. As we inch closer and closer to that time I sometimes think I might enjoy it. I might enjoy the house that looks the same when I come home as when I leave it, not having to cook dinner every night and not so much laundry. But then I read your words and know I will feel the same way.
Maybe you could borrow some neighbor kids!

gigi said...

Feel free! Sneak away and join husband in Canada, just surprise him, wouldn't he be shocked?

I love Lucky Charms and love just eating the Charmes out of the box.

I have a measuring tape in my purse and I'm not a carpenter.

I can't stand Jimmy Carter, so glad he isn't the President any longer. Not real thrilled with the one we have now either but wish we still had those gas prices.

It won't be long and you will really learn to love the empty nest part of life until they start moving back in...

((hugs))

Queenie Jeannie said...

Biggggg hugs honey!!! And don't worry...all those awesome skills will come in handy again when you're a Grandma! :D

In the meantime, stamp your heart out and enjoy your clean house! Put on your favorite music and dance!!! This is Momma's time!!!!

Kristen said...

You're supposed to feel exactly the way you do. Only a mother who did a wonderful job would feel like she missed it... after all that was invested. You're supposed to feel amazing... because I know your kids, and THEY are amazing (largely because of you). I think youre great... and if you need to sit in the midst of chaos-- I know a house not too far from you that has PLENTY of that 24/7-- so come on up!

Sondra said...

I am not looking forward to being an empty nester... It is coming so fast and it totally scares me. Although for me - there will be no husband just me to each cereal for dinner. Yikes. It goes by tooooo fast - in a heart beat. Too bad I didn't really enjoy the journy as much as I should have - it's kind of hard during trials and such. That is one of the reasons I try to blog about that a lot in my motivational Mondays - to encourage these young mother to really enjoy it. Have a great day.. Your comments always make me smile! {{hugs}}

Homer and Queen said...

I am so freakin' jealous it isn't even funny!!! But you know what is funny? I have a scalpel in my purse too!. And I'm not even a nurse! (I bow down in respect to nurses...just sayin')I also have GI tube feeding stuff and a needle to access a port-a-cath! Along with alot of excedrin...

Barbaloot said...

Well, I can't begin to tell you how to feel, but I'd advise against going through airport security until you've gotten rid of the scalpel...

Aunt of 14 said...

Aw, you will have grandbabies to make up for it someday! :)

Mumsy said...

Sending you big hugs. Your way of life will change a lot now that you have an empty nest but, there will be wonderful things come along you just wait and see.

Change is not always easy for some of us but when we get through it then we feel better. I bet in no time you are going to find something to do that you really enjoy doing and you will feel so much better. Hugs!

Lisa Loo said...

I put my #3 on a plane yesterday for 2 months, my heart broke so bad I thought I was going to throw up. Then Studmuffin took off to Utah with my last 2--so I am home alone for a week. So, I kind of feel your pain.

I don't have a scalpel in my purse, but I do have a little tin of Vick's Vapor rub--wha??!!

I remember sitting there a few days after we brought our first home and thinking, "When is you Mom coming to pick you up?"

I always hope that i can enjoy the journey--maybe something will step in here soon that fills that hole a little. Until then--silence can be golden!

JBN said...

Okay -- I have a plan ---- come kidnap me from my chaos and well go have a Diet Coke -- or Diet Pepsi if we're really desperate! :) You are simply ze best!!!!

Mikki said...

You're supposed to be doing the happy dance!!!!!!! I would KILL--K.I.L.L. to be able to hear the clock tick. LOL
Ok, seriously, (well, seriously--somedays I would totally just love some peace and quiet) I can't even imagine how I'm going to handle that day. Most days right now, I look forward to it, but then I'll stop and think to myself "Mikki, try to enjoy it cause someday you're REALLY going to miss it."

I've got four I can send up if you're interested.

Just Breathe said...

Yep, just yesterday........((HUGS))
(My husband is in Canada this week too)

Just Breathe said...

Yep, just yesterday........((HUGS))
(My husband is in Canada this week too)

Connie said...

Kick up your heels and yell, Halleluiah!!! or something like that!
You'll have some of those little birdies move back in before you know it.

I hope you and the hubby like each other and have some things in common! Maybe you can get him a scalpel to carry in his briefcase!

(Actually, I feel for you. It's hard to let go but that's what it's all about. I still have 3 at home!)

LKP said...

i feel like this when seth's at work & daisy's at school. i hate it.
i'd work, but then i hate even more having to miss her cool stuff & sports, or getaway whenever seth can from his job for a spontaneous trip. but during the day must be my gearing up pre-training. it's miserably boring and quiet and i feel unmotivated to do anything. once everyone starts coming home though, then i feel like myself again & that i can conquer the world. does that sound strange?
i love that you have a scalpel in your purse. i had disclosing tablets & floss threaders in mine from last week at work. silly. =)
hang in there. maybe this is why you & i have a thing for cameras! just thinking, maybe. BIG HUGS!!!
told seth about you wanting apples, he said i should bring you some in october if i can still get the opal ones by then! see, even he thinks you're cool!!!!

Yvonne said...

I know the feeling. Wish I was there to give you a hug.
It's the quiet that gets me.

But you'll find there will be plenty to keep you busy. Enjoy.

And I love your story about your first baby--so cute. My favorite is when one of my friends had her first and was in the hospital bed next to a woman who the nurse had told, "When you are nursing ALWAYS WEAR YOUR BRA". The woman came out of the shower and the front of her hospital gown was all wet--when the nurse came in she looked at her and asked why she was wet. The woman responded, "You said to always wear my bra" ; )

Kimmie said...

Tauna,
Okay, way to have my crying right now!! (at least you and Howards photo at the top and your bright and cheery background made me smile).

I went to Sophomore registration this week and it is sinking in that Jade only has 3 more years of High School left and my little Ethan is 8 and in Cub Scouts. Time passes by TOO quickly!

I have had an emotional week and I can totally relate. The silence is a killer I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now.

Even though I come home to a not so perfect house everyday, it means I have kids at home to love and enjoy.

I wish I wasn't heading to Utah this weekend and I could do something to cheer you...maybe next week. Until then "Hug"!

I can't wait until Howard comes home and you can enjoy being an empty nester with the love of your life to come home and enjoy every night!!

Care about you lots!!

Laura said...

Well, you know you can always come over to my blog for a 'young motherhood' fix.

I think you need to get a puppy. That'll cure what ails ya'. Then take pictures of it and share them with me. ;)

Miss B said...

You are so stinkin' cute! You crack me up! You'll get it all figured out soon enough, until then, find a young mom who is up to her elbows in everything you just got out of and offer to watch her kiddos while she goes to lunch or has some cereal by herself. . .

Scrappy Girl said...

Time to look into traveling with hubby, and hobbies, and lunches with friends, and exploring things YOU want to explore! I think...at least that is what I hear you are supposed to do. I am still back in preschool land...

Queenie Jeannie said...

You have an award over at my place!

Congrats!! :D

April said...

I will be there before you know it.....scary! At times it feels like I am already there. The boys take off for a few days here and there. I'm looking forward to grand babies and time with my hubby, but not looking forward to an empty house.

T said...

you could totally win on Let's Make a Deal with that scalpel in there... or at least hurt the host when you got a Zonk...

hmmm... 31 years ago I was probably watching Let's Make a Deal...

I'm looking forward to my house staying clean for a few minutes, and for my son to not have to spend time on "the step" for being naughty... but not looking forward to the empty nest part of it...

CBC in just a few weeks - you ready? you still need a roomie???

MaRiN said...

I needed this post! I am at the point where I wouldn't mind being an empty nester. I have completely had it with my kids lately. And yet they are so young. Time does fly by so I guess I better enjoy it while it lasts...even if it gets the best of me at times.
Hey, you never know, one may always need to come back...enjoy it!

wendy said...

Oh wow, I can't tell you how to fell Tauna. I loved this post.
I love you--I think YOU and I would really understand each other and "connect" I can fell it right down to my bones...underneath all my newly gained fat.
But, it is hard, I know.
It is hard to let them go and see them "move on"
The quiet
the clean
the lack of phone ringing
the lack of "picking up after"

but you will find a whole new beginning for you and hubby and actually it is quite wonderful
Your time
Together time
Reflectiing time
Wishing I could do over time
Sex time---yeah, you heard me

I used cloth diapers too
I only nursed my last 3 and thankful for a friend who talked me into it

I miss grounding me kids----and I LOVE seeing them NOW as parents

I am a little worried about the syringe in your purse-----don't wait to get help
HA HA HA HA HA HA

wendy said...

apparently I don't know how to spell or my fingers don't work well on the computer

EVerytime I said FEEL I typed fell
work with me here
I am old

Doran & Jody said...

I am loving the Empty Nester phase!! Although there are times that I wish I could clap my hands and have the kids instantly there so we can eat and have game night. But I do enjoy just being with my best friend, with no one else's schedule but ours.

I love your "Thankful Enough" picture on your side bar. My grandparents had this in their house for years. I now have it. He looks just like my grandpa.

M-Cat said...

Is it sad that I am anxiously awaiting the empty nest phase? I mean my kids are practically there, and the thought of them all truly being gone makes me giddy!

kado! said...

You know what, I thought I had some very strange things in my purse until you said there was a scalpel in yours...now I think I'm pretty normal. thanks!

you and my youngest would get along GREAT, well actually NO, you'd fight...he eats the charms out of the Lucky Charms too!