Friday, May 15, 2009

Things NOT to say in church......

I read this post from Cherie and it really got me to thinking, kinda in a different direction, but thinking all the same. You really need to check this post out cause it made me laugh, think and agree all at the same time!

Her thread was all about conversation killers. Well, my head started thinking about conversations people have had with me because I'm a nurse. I think sometimes since I am a nurse people can tell me about their latest ache, pain or menses and the irregularity thereof. It's true when I'm at work I ask very weird, personal disgusting questions. The following are questions I ask anyone sitting in my ER room:
-when was your last bowel movement?
-do you have burning with urination?
-how much do you smoke?
-could you be pregnant?
-do you have more than one partner?

The list goes on and on. These are questions that are totally appropriate to ask someone sitting in the ER with complaints of abdominal pain and various other ailments. These are not questions that would be appropriate at church. "Hi Sister Jimbob, how was your lesson and could you be pregnant?" Nope, doesn't work does it?
But this is my world in the ER; however, it is NOT my world in church. point (yes, I'll get there eventually) because I'm a nurse, there seems to be a misconception that I want to hear certain things. For example, several years ago an older gentleman sat down by me at a meeting and began telling me about his prostate and the difficulty he was having with it. Can I just tell you I was mortified? Should I have been? First off, I was in church....there needs to be a safe place. Second off, I had to look at him sitting on the stand each week and my mind wondered if his prostate was OK!!! My mind really didn't want to know! I promise! I'm trying to be reverent and have uplifting thoughts, not thoughts about how high his PSA is! Sheesh!

Along the same line, a few years ago on Fast Sunday, this sister gets up and tells about her recent hysterectomy. I'm sorry, I am sitting in church and I don't want to hear the word hysterectomy from the pulpit. (I'm uncomfortable anyway because just the night before she and her hubby had been in the ER and I had been the nurse. She was worried because of her recent hysterectomy and they'd been know...well anyway) I'd heard about her surgery the night before in the ER. I didn't want to hear about it the next day from the pulpit OK??? She expounds and expounds and then before I could prepare my ears she said the word UTERUS! Out loud! In church! The word uterus! I kid you not! (safe place violation!) I promise I'm not a prude in fact, I'm the opposite. I'm just thinking about all the moms out there who may have to go home and discuss sensitive issues because of what they learned in Sacrament meeting.

So a couple of questions for ya...
Am I weird?
Am I oversensitive?
Was this out of line?

I guess the moral to this story is: If you know someone who is a nurse, she may not want to hear about your uterus in church. If she's at work, she probably does.
Disclaimer/double standard: If I am in church and ask YOU about your prostate or uterus or itching or burning then I am genuinely concerned and want you to tell me about it.


Cherie said...

You are SO funny! I had to come over and see what you wrote.

I've been dealing with a very toxic friendship for awhile. It has not been pretty or felt good. That post was kind of my way of getting a few things off my chest without being too obvious. I figure its my blog so I can write that kind of post once in awhile :D

Your post made me laugh. I can just imagine the things you must hear. Ick!! The Uterus just made me gut bust out loud - So funny!!

I remember I was at a party once when a woman said the word "areola" a little too loudly (and for whatever reason???) and the room went silent - Hysterical! Some people are just not shy I guess.

Hilary said...

Haha! I agree wholeheartedly! Certain things should/can not be discussed at church. There has to be a line, and your occupation no doubt makes that line fuzzy.

rad6 said...

Ok, laughing too hard to even post... ok wait... so he really told you about his prostate in church... I hope he was asking a question, not just making conversation. Can you clarify? Because if he was just making conversation I think I am going to fall over.
After Cherie's post today and then now reading this, I am listening to people and not opening my mouth. it is fun to listen to people and just laugh inside sometimes.
So to answer your question, NO YOU ARE NOT TOO SENSITIVE... a place of worship should really be just that.

Good luck!

Kristina P. said...

Seriously, fast and testimony meeting brings out the crazies!

Sondra said...

I loved Cherie's post and yours was fun-Ny too. It really has made me think... which is a great thing. My sister is a nurse and I always call her for advise about everything. I would feel really sad if people did the same at church. I never would have thought about that - yike.. at church. We have a doctor in our ward who always is there to fix the boo boo's in Primary fiascos and I'm sure he has heard his fair share.

Testimony meetings can get out of hand. There are a few people who I dread everytime they stand up... I know it's gonna be long and too much information - but lacking the testimony part.

Anyway... I'm thankful for your post and Cherie's great reminders.

Cadance said...

Oh MY! I happen to be reading your blog with my husband..and we BOTH agree...not a topic that should be heard at Church!!!

....I love "your safe place" reminds me f the Seinfeld episode when his "worlds collided" some things should definitely be kept SEPERATE!!! LOL!

....& I'm no prude either!!! =)

Nef Fam said...

Yeppers -- Great post.

BTW -- right before RS, could we chat about my vaginal itching?


wendy said...

That's exactly WHY I don't go to church (j/k) Since I work in a court house, everyone want to ask me legal advice. GET A LAWYER.
and thankyou, my bowel movements have been fine and no burning during urination-----however I do have this uncontrollable urge to burp (j/k again)

Kirsten said...

I love that every time I need a good laugh I can just read your blog! Paul is thinking of all kinds of questions right now that he says I should ask you!

BTW, Treven Ricks and his wife are so fun! We had a bbq with them tonight. They just moved into our ward and live right behind us.

gigi said...

Oh my HELLO, that was to funny! I can just imagine!! Good grief people! I think there must be those types in every ward accross the world. I know on first Sunday I want to crawl under the bench half the time. And we heard that same thing for the last 6 months. It never changes and I hate to see them even head to the stand. I know I must be mean and I do ask for forgiveness a LOT! Thanks for making my morning.

Ann Marie said...

Awesome post! You and Cherie made me laugh hard! :)

I call my SIL and cousins that are nurses all the time.. Is that bugging to? Be honest.. I don't want to be a bugger! :) he-he

Kristin said...

I know your ward, I want to know who was talking about what?

The Garden of Egan said...

Kristin, your mom (the other Real Housewife) would know, I unloaded on her one day!
How are ya doing? Are you coming home this summer? The weather is finally nice today....about time is all I have to say about that!

funky bag freak said...

Oh man, does that mean we can't discuss my upcoming surgery, epidurals, possible shaving that kind of thing? Oh wait...there's not shaving involved this time...OOPS


Anonymous said...

AAHHHH!!! My mom is a nurse, too (L&D), so I get where you're coming from.

I can't imagine what I would do if some guy sat down next to me and told me about his peenie problems! EW!! And fast Sundays are the reason I am always hesitant to bring friends to just never know what you're gonna get.
One lady got up not too long ago and discussed her bowel issues as related to her prayers, and a guy got up and expressed his gratitude that his wife brought the Spirit to their lovemaking by bringing music to the bedroom.

I kid you not.

Adam & Leesha Wickern said...

Tauna you crack me up! This made me giggle a little. Oh man, I just totally realized that I did a boo boo...I asked you about the Prego class at the hospital after RS. Oh man...I am totally one of those people! Shoot me now!