Sunday, January 10, 2010

My car is from Satan

Yes, I said Satan.
Not Santa.
My better half left last week for the first of many trips that will happen this year. Boo!
It seems like everytime he leaves something breaks or gets clogged or leaks in the house.
One time it was potato peelings vs. garbage disposal. He was gone. What do I do? Call the neighbors?
Nah, that won't work. They call him. He's installed water heaters, dishwashers, that sort of thing for the neighbors.
He's the jack-of-all-trades.
A do-it-yourselfer.
When our youngest was 3 years old, she was watching him do some house project and said, "he's the fixer-man."
We've had car troubles, pipe leaks all kinds of stuff go wrong. It seems to happen when he's gone.
Did I mention we would frequently have car troubles...
a lot.
A few years ago, I woke up early in the morning to get ready for work.
My better half was out of town again.
I walked a few steps into the hall and stepped in a deep pile of water.
From the washing machine.
That's it!
That's the last straw!
All by myself, I went to an appliance store and bought a new washer and dryer!
It felt good!
It was in and working by the time he returned from that business trip.
I told him that from now on if he's gone and something breaks I'm getting a new whatever.
A few months later he was on another business trip.
Guess what broke???!!!
The carpet!
Yes, it's true.
My carpet was broken!

So I went and bought new carpet. He was fine with that, it was money I had saved. The bad part...
I had to wait until he had time to lay it.
I'm such a slave driver
Now for our ongoing latest nightmare.
Our car.
Our car is a lemon.
It's a lemon grove.
It's the lemon of all lemons.
It's the Martha Stewart of lemons.
He's fixed and repaired and babied this thing along for 6 years.
The lemon is paid for.
It's still a horrid, evil, hateful car!
Is there any question about how I feel about the car?
He returned from a business trip on Friday night about midnight.
He had car trouble..
at the airport...
it required a tow truck.
It's way past time to put the hunk of junk out of our misery!

Yes, that is my car.

(and yes, that is a real officer of the law...)
Not sure what he is going to decide to do to with car.
My hubby's attitude of "use it up, wear it out, fix it up or do without" has got to go! Honey, it's used up, worn out, been fixed up. I will do without.
Please for the love of all that is sane. Don't fix that (#*&$(#*^&)$&#
Can I live with one car?
Can I walk to work in the depths of winter?
The answer is YES!!!!
I don't want to spend one more red cent on that piece of %#$@&^%%
metal!
(Legal disclaimer:
Just so ya know, no cars were actually shot and permission was obtained from the higher ups to have an officer point a weapon at my car. No animals or Llamas were injured in the making of this post)

44 comments:

Connie said...

When I first saw the title of the post I thought it said your car was from Santa! I was a little envious but now I KNOW what you're saying. I've been there too and I hate spending money on a pile of junky metal!
Your husband does sound like the fixer man and you must be the "get it done" girl! I hope you show us the picture of your new car. AND I wouldn't have felt bad if your car WAS shot! Like I said, I've been there and done that!

Nikia, May and da kids said...

Evil spawns of Satan. your car has a distant cousin residing in my home. It's my bath tub pipes. No matter what has been done to "fix" the darn thing, it clogs after every single shower. Well, it only takes about 30 minutes to drain completely now, as opposed to the 2 hours it used to take before calling a plumber. If I could have the thing towed out of my house I would have done it by now.

Thanks for the laugh before church. Opps! I printed that?? I don't know why my posts won't update but I am glad to be back on line reading my favorite blogs = )

Sorry about your uncooperative car. I love that you got the officer to take that picture. TOO funny!

May

Julie Harward said...

I'M SORRY FOR YOU BUT I WAS LAUGHING TOO! I FEEL SO FRUSTRATED TOO WHEN THINGS GO WRONG AND MY HUBBYS NOT AROUND BUT THEN HE IS NOT A FIXER! HE IS PLENTY SMART ABOUT SO MANY THINGS BUT HE CAN'T FIX VERY MANY THINGS! GOOD SMARTS BUT NOT COMMON SENCE! HOPE YOU CAN GET A NEW CAR..I'M WANTING ONE TOO! COME SAY HI :D

Sondra said...

I here to say what a blessing your husband is. I'd love to be married to someone who could take care of me and fix everything. I know you count your lucky stars everyday that he is yours forever. You are lucky!!

Me on the other hand - have to buy new, call repair man to have things in working order around here. I have 2 paid off cars - so that I can always get around. If one is at the repair shop then I can drive the other. I hate car repairs but my mechanic is straight from heaven above... he is wonderful and will even drive my car back to my house when it is repaired so I don't have to find a ride there to get it. Angels around you are always nice in this life time.

I seriously need broken carpet. I'd love to buy new... but am trying to save enough money to carpet the whole house at once.

Loved your post - you totally crack me up!

RatalieNose said...

Hahaha this post is amazing!!!!!!
I hope that I marry a Mr. Fix-It cause I'm totally useless in that department! Have fun walking in a winter wonderland!

Life is good! said...

i know the answer, i know the answer. pick me, pick me. oh wait there was no question was there. on well my answer anyway is, lemonade. a big batch of lemonade. yep. i want to see you squeeze that giant lemon of a car into one big glass of lemonade!

Kristina P. said...

My dad was a Mr Fix It. My husband, not so much. It was quite the adjustment when I got married. He can do minimal stuff, but my dad ALWAYS repaired all of our cars. Adam barely knows how to change a battery!

Queenie Jeannie said...

I feel your pain!! I hope you get a new one soon!!!

linda said...

Ok, so now for the big question...when does the new car arrive!?!

You are soooo lucky to be married to Mr. Fix-it! We have to hire out for most everything.

kado! said...

sounds like a new car is in your future...you said you buy a new "whatever" needs fixed when he's away on your trip...right....and he's fine with that...yep! I see a new shiny car with your name on it!!!

....lucky you on marrying Mr. Fix-it! I don't know what that life is like...it is only a dream for me! ;)

Brenda said...

I HATE car trouble! I told my husband that I don't care what kind of car I drive...it just HAS to start EVERY time, and have REALLY good AC! And that is ALL!
I hope you can convince your husband that your car is all used up...GOOD LUCK!

Just Breathe said...

Oh you are too cute. Great post.
Don't fix it! I know, I have had to face way to many things when my husband traveled, it's not fair.

Dream Weaver Family said...

You are the funniest person I know...How did you get officer Jeff to surcome to your car madness? That is the funniest picture. I know you wanted to borrow the gun,and shoot it yourself, and he said no, let me do the shooting so you don't shoot yourself...you make me laugh, no wonder I love working with you.

Happy Mom said...

Thanks for the giggles!!!! I'm sooo glad that you don't have to live with that car anymore.

We also have major problems when hubders is out of town!!! What a pain!!!

Love reading your blog!

Mikki said...

So, does this maybe mean that you're going to buy a new car the next time the mister leaves town!
LOL
Sorry for the car troubles. I hate that so much. We're probably going to have to sink our entire tax return into getting the front end of Jon's car repaired. Oh joy!

Chandy said...

You are hilarious! LOL I love it! I feel your pain. It does feel great to have a husband that can fix things in a pinch. My hubby's the same.

Hope the next one is a sweet and angelic of a deal...

gigi said...

Seriously? You would walk to work in the winter in Rexburg??? You are my hero and such a brave woman!!
Take the Nike approach, "Just Do It"!!!!!!!!!! You deserve it! How are you going to get to your Photo classes with out a dependable car??
"Just Do It"!!

Yvonne said...

You are so funny.

I hate paying to have my car (or any of our cars) repaired. It seems like such a waste.

I never thought of the broken carpet--I would LOVE new carpet. My husband's going out of town for a couple of days tomorrow, maybe...

Camille said...

Too funny, Tauna! I'll bet it felt good to see a weapon pointed at your car. You were probably even secretly hoping he'd pull the trigger! :) I've been there before. Luckily, (knock on wood) mine hasn't had any issues for the time being. Hopefully, you'll find one that has no ounce of lemon juice!

Adam & Leesha Wickern said...

You are one dangerous mama! Kick that car to the curb, I'll drive you to work or you can just buy my car! ;)

Nef Fam said...

Ahhhhh -- the joys of "do-it-ourselves" hubbies..... and we always have stuff that needs fixin'! ERG!

Small House said...

OH MY WORD... HOW FUNNY! I know it doesn't seem funny that you need a new car, but I burst out laughing when the carpet broke. That was it....

Hmmm.... My husband is out of town tonight. He's in SLC at a Jazz game with our son. I'm wondering what he'd think if he came home and we had a new dishwasher????

Lowes is opened til 10:00 p.m. isn't it???
Have a great day.
Sandra

Scrappy Girl said...

We need to trade hubbys for a week...your hubby can come fix stuff and be my handyman and Dr. Hubby can go buy you a new car...lol!

wendy said...

Oh thank goodness, I was so worried about the Llamas!!!
I agree --good gir--gutsy girl---if he is gonna be gone, it is HIS fault that if something breaks that you have to go out and buy a NEW one.
nothing is more annoying then an undependable car. HATE cars that need anything more then an oil change.

One year, I was sick to death of our kitchen carpet floor --hubby #2 came home from work with me frantically and with furry, pulling it all out. He had fear on his face.
smart man

Cherie said...

Oh my gosh Tauna can I just say...Twins!!!
This made me laugh but only because I have experienced so much of the same!
My hubs is the fix it, take care of everything guy too - he also travels. It has been our running joke for years "what's going to break while you're gone thus time?"

I have had the hose to the washing machine burst and start flooding the house at 5 in the morning, had to snake toilets but in relation to this post the best (and we laugh looking back on it now) wad the time our van literally blew up! It wad so scary. He was out of town, Brittany was 16 and had used the van to go pick up her brother, came home and parked in front of the house and 15 minutes later the engine just blew up and caught fire. I came home to a totalled and burned up van and 2 full sized firetrucks.
When I called my husband to tell him what happened he said, "I'll take a look at it when I get home" ...ha ha UM Not!
Sorry that was a novel all leading up to - I sure hope you get a new car or it blows up, or the officer shoots it, or whatever it takes!!
PS I love that you go buy new when something breaks!!! Go girl!!!

Nezzy said...

This chicks Hubby is a jack of all trades too. What is it with these guys than make them not want to get anything new. Yep, we'll just fix~er~up, AGAIN!!! Good idea sister, just shoot the darn thing and get it over with. A girl has to just know when to put her foot down and say..enough is enough.

Have a great day and enjoy that new car! Heeeheehe!

Brenda said...

Your comment made me laugh out loud!! Thanks for brightening up my day!

Beth at Aunties said...

I agree it is always when all they are away the bad things happen! I know as I raised our family with Mr B on the traveling on church assignments.
We had all the windows shot our of the station wagon parked at the high school, water heater going out, broken arms, stitches, a stint of me in the intensive care..our oldest had just been made an elder and he got to administer to his mama, car wrecks, frozen pipes, flat tires and etc.
It does make us a bit more independent though! But nothing is a substitute for them NOT being home. Good for you for buying new!!!
Sorry about your lemon heap. Mine is a great 10 year car (Sable) with over 110,000 miles and I still drive it although he bought me a new Hyandai(2 year used) car in October. Mine just keeps going and going and is so easy and comfortable to drive. I wish for you my friend in Rexburg to find a car like my trusty Red.
Anywho Thank Heavens we both have been blessed with a fixer, Mine is too when he isn't away! ~♥

Nana said...

YES, someone else had lived my life. When Papa leaves something will break down. A fridge, our living room set, (O.k. I just knew it was better to go buy the living room furniture while he was gone.) the cars. When we were building our house the city called and told me we really did not own our property, we had bought it illegally. Where was Papa? On a week long River trip.

I wish you luck my friend. Cars are the worst!!!!! Well sewer problems can really be no good.

I just say kill the damn car!!

Kirsten said...

Hey, will you re-leave that comment on my blog?! It was hilarious and when I tried to post it it didn't show up! I wanted Paul to read it! :)

tammy said...

The carpet broke....why haven't I thought of that? I think I just found a way to get my wood floors.

Lynne (lynnesgiftsfromtheheart) said...

I know what you mean. I drive a truck, and I love my truck. It is 10 years old and is a jewel. With hubby's illness's is has to be a jewel. I run him back and forth to doctors appts. "alot"... I hope you got a new or newer automobile.. you made me giggle with the carpet.. how on earth did it break???? I sooooo need ok... "want" new carpet.. not in the budget... hugs ~lynne~

Teresa said...

LOL! Loved this post, and it made me laugh out loud. T

Cecily R said...

I was WAITING for you to say you bought a car during Mr. Fix It's last business trip.

And I think we might have your car's long lost sister in our drive way.

April said...

I too am married to a "fix it" man. But I have my limits....I love my cars! He is NOT allowed to touch them! There is nothing worse than a rotten no good lemon! Booo!

farmergalsmarket said...

Do it! Shoot! Put that thing out of its misery. We have a good, reliable car (the same one) for over 7 years now, and don't think I don't just want to kiss that thing on the bumper every time I think about what a good car it's been. I shudder to think of the day when it starts to peter out!

Terra said...

What will happen next in this tale of the car? It sounds like time to send it away!

Higgs Happenin's said...

hahaha I'm laughing so hard. Did my mom already comment on this...yep I didn't read her comment but I'm guessing she said something about this is the story of her life. Every time my dad left something broke and not just something little like my curling iron. washer, cars blowing up, leaks from everywhere you can think of... the list goes on. Anyways I laughed my bum off right now so thanks for that! ps how the hay did you get a cop to do that?! SO COOL

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

It is you my dear that has the gift of writing not me. I love this post too funny but so miserable for you. Sorry your car is a lemon they are certainly a pain in the rear when they are.
Question is why does it always happen when the hubby is out of town.
Sell it to one of those jerks at the emergency room the next time they go out of their way to be ugly. Karma
Take care
Maggie

LKP said...

ah. i'm so sorry about your hunkajunk excuse for a car. =(
yes, yes. MANY marshmallows! And even better MANY smiles. i actually sat down to play half of a game of cootie with a little fellow in the ward, then someone took over my spot. then i sat down to play giant checkers with another little guy, but checkers at his age means we stack all the enormous pieces into the largest checker tower EVER and KNOCK IT DOWN! and we build it back up, and knock it back down. over & over. it was a fun time with him, and repeatedly knocking down an other wise orderly tower is a very liberating experience. eventually he was ready to move on and so i did as well. i enjoyed one game of pictionary with one of our YW and her family. good times. she & i smoked her mom's team! other than that, my greatest fun of the evening was getting to float around and soak in all the smiles, laughter, and "two, two, two" from the group that fell in love with Pit that night! it all worked out nicely. i was worried that 2 hours would be so short, especially if someone wanted to learn a new game (or play settlers). turned out that it felt like time stopped & everyone played to their hearts content. when i was worried that we'd been there all night, i had my husband close the evening & ask for a closing prayer. the prayer was over by 6:58. our event truly lasted from 5-7pm. felt like we'd enjoyed so much more than that. the best part was that it really was the most simple event. so with minimal details to attend, i was able to really see for myself everyone's good time. =)

MaRiN said...

I love your sense of humor! Your comments are always my favorite. I know I can always get a good laugh with you. Hope you get that new car soon!

Amy said...

My man is not a fixer man... neither is my dad. My dad used to try to fix leaky toilets and sinks. In real life he is a mortician... one time the plumber was called to fix one of my dad's fixes and he said.... "Ted, If I promise NOT to embalm my mother when she dies, will you promise not to fix your toilet when it breaks?" We have laughed about that for years!

Higgs Happenin's said...

Oh ya I totally get it. It's so dumb. I tell them that all the time. You wanna do what?! Are you retarded?! Husband you're going to get yourself killed and then I'll have to re-marry some loser! or husband if you insist on doing idiotic things I either have to die with you or you better get some hefty life insurance. haha it doesn't work obviously and I always get roped into watching.

Don't worry I make them stand like 400 bajillion feet away from it because the first time they went without me and told me about it... wow. That picture of my cousin, was from that first time.

Oh and funny story about your son! Boys are so crazy and no matter how many times I tell them they are dumb... well you know.

Oh and when I bring him to your ER, you completely have my permission to slap us both!

I love you, you make me laugh!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Ok now, come on!!! You need to post something new now!! LOL!