WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING

Whew. 
Trying to take a deep breath tonight as we prepare for tomorrow. Besides having this entire past week being surreal..... this past week has been surreal.

17 years ago I worked on this floor that Howie is currently on. 
And more recently Lynsey worked in the ICU where he was and will be again after tomorrow. Actually she worked on the 4th floor as well prior to transferring to the unit.

I remember taking care of patients like Howie. 
I remember helping them prepare for Open Heart. 
I remember giving them the instructions and teaching of what to expect. 
I remember helping them with their chlorhexadine shower the night before surgery.

I remember taking care of various patients in various rooms of this floor.

My heart has been happy that we were able to be in room 426. 
18 years ago my favorite patient was in this room. 
He was my Bishop (ecclesiastical leader) when I was in high school. Bishop Stander. 
He had a heart surgery. I loved taking care of him. And as I recall it was December. 
One morning I went to weigh him and get his vitals and do my assessment. Because 4:00 AM is such a reasonable time to do that nonsense.

Anyway he was getting out of bed to sit on the chair scale and as he turned around his gown came open and he flashed me. 
He laughed and said, " I bet you thought you'd never see your bishop's bum"
I laughed closed his gown, patted his bum and said " and what a cute bum it is". 
We had a good laugh.

We are unsure what time his surgery will begin. 
We have been told 8:00 AM 10:00 AM and 12:00 PM. 
However, latest word is 8:30.

Again, I know I have said this a million times, but your kindness and prayers, texts, messages, visits, generous acts of kindness and calls..... so overwhelming. The love and support is almost too much for my heart to take in. 
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. 
The words just don't seem to be enough.

To my ER family... I miss you. I'm eternally grateful for you for helping me hold it together when my world was crumbling. 
Paula Orr for having the worst job of all. To break the news to me that it was Howie. 
Alan Brower, smartest nurse in the whole world. Smartest paramedic instructor BYU-I ever had. Being the best boss. For being the best home teacher ever. (Consider your home teaching done for the month)
Sorry Tiffany Snedaker, I'm not sure if I tore your flesh or broke your hand when I was hanging on. 
Dr Wells and Dr Anderson.... what can I say? 
Jena Smith Turman and Julie Blaser.... I'm having IMC flashbacks of our many shifts together on this floor so many years ago. So glad we got to connect again at Madison years later. 
All of you are stellar. And I'm proud of the work you do. To be a part of you.

Ok. 
Now breathe.

TOMORROW is the DAY!

Good day! Loves and hugs from so many.

Surgery time changed. TOMORROW IS THE DAY. Right now he is scheduled for 10:00. 
The doctor told us he wouldn't give us a time to be done. Could be 4 hours or 6 hours. He said he is done when he is satisfied with the work. 
We're ok with that.

Madison County Fire and EMS! You rock. 

Thank you Troyce Miskin for the fabulous department you run. I'll love all y'all forever.

The visits and support. 
OVERWHELMING! Thank you thank you!

Cameron and family

Howard's family and Teton Crossfit family

Howie's family

Brad and Howie

Me and Santa

Howie and Ryan

Ryan stood out on the road flagging the ambulance to the Crossfit gym

Dear friends Heidi and Morris

Morris served as 1st Counselor when Howie was bishop

He loved the visits.

It helped to pass the time.

Richard and Howie

They share the same birthday.

Lots of love and support.

These treasures all tell a sweet story.

And as I would drive into the hospital grounds I could look up and see which room was his.

His was the most decorated window.

Howie and Jessie

The best neighbor!

Guen and the boys with grandpa

The Wickerns and Rob

Rob is the bishop that came and sat with me that morning in the ICU waiting room so I wouldn't be alone.

He also gave Howard a blessing along with Matt and then later gave me a blessing.

The bookends.

Crucial Conversations

Update for Tuesday morning 12-13-16.

Lynsey stayed with him overnight and I slept till about 4:00. All I could think about was what was going on one week ago when our life was still normal. Howie going to Crossfit at 4:30 and me getting ready for my shift. 
It feels like a lifetime ago.

I have nothing but profound gratitude for this past week. To go through such utter heartache and despair to the joy I have today is indescribable.

He's been up and showered and shaved. He looks pretty cute in his little gown. I'd take a picture of my view right now as he is sitting eating breakfast.... but I'm sitting behind him.... and he would be ticked.

We have had some crucial conversations this morning. How he pays the bills on Quicken, when they are due, what his passwords are, just stuff I never worry about because he just takes care of me.

I think I feel better knowing all that stuff. But I still want him to take care of me.

 

 

 

 

Look at that Smile!

Sweet visit this afternoon from some of Howie's Crossfit Family. They were there. I'm hearing their stories of the events of that day and putting pieces together. 
So much gratitude and love for them. 
LEARN CPR!!! Everyone! It gave me a miracle. 
#Howardstrong

The quilt was made by Jayme Christensen, another Teton Crossfitter.
She wasn't there that fateful morning, but her husband Jacob was and was one of the ones that assisted in CPR.

Quilt with the Teton Crossfit logo.

These heroes also started a gofundme page.

They sold T shirts.

 

Pure Gratitude

 

 

I have the blessing and privilege of working with these heroes on a daily basis. These are true heroes in my book. I admire them for the work they do.

 

How do you say thank you to the paramedics that shocked your husband's heart out of a deadly rhythm? I don't know. But I know I'll love them forever. 
Madison County Paramedics. 
#lifesavers
#Howardstrong

Stan, Kimber, Robert, Howie & Orin

Orin Packard told me that when he arrived on scene, the police officer there told him that he was working on Tauna's husband.

He said "oh great, no pressure or anything"

I'm not sure I could have squeezed him harder.

 

How do you say thank you for the gift I was given?

 

So Many Acts of Service and Kindness

I'll never be able to count all the many acts of love and kindness that have been shown to us.
Gift cards to places nearby to eat.
Food brought into the ICU waiting room.
A fuzzy blanket just for me, it was so cold in the room.
Offers of places to stay.
Things I would never have thought of.

I wasn't thinking about feeding people, but my kids were here the whole time. I didn't have to worry about feeding them or caring for them. It was just there.

A couple of my friends got me a hotel room.
Diane....such a blessing to me. Supportive and loving.
I had no idea that driving the 30 miles to home would just be too much for me.
So she got me a hotel just a few blocks away from the hospital.

Adam and Alisha did too.
For the 13 days Howie was in the hospital, I only went home to get clothes.
That was such a blessing.

There was plenty of space for all of the family that came to stay.

I couldn't think of being that far from him.
Thankfully I didn't have to worry about that.

Tests

Monday morning update. 12-12-16
#Howardstrong

I left the hospital about 10 minutes ago. I've come back to the hotel to get some sleep. 
He rested well last night. As well as a hospital will let you rest. Two hours at time. You know how nurses are.

He's walking the halls at a pretty good clip. At the end of each hall he goes up a flight of stairs. We did that this morning at 5:00. Made him sorta feel like he was at Crossfit.

Today is supposed to have several tests. Carotid Doppler and Venous Ultrasound. There are others I'm sure.

His spirits are good. He is frustrated with himself. His speech is a little slurry and it really gets him anxious. When he has been rested well it isn't there.

His vital signs are heart rhythm are textbook perfect.

We are still looking at Wednesday for the Coronary Artery Bypass.

We are hopeful and prayerful and have faith. Most of all we are so incredibly grateful.

I wish I could squeeze you all.

Lots of Family and Friends

Update for Sunday. 
He was restless overnight. Oldest son Matt stayed with him last night and I rested in a nearby hotel. 
This morning he went up 6 flights of stairs. #Howardstrong
He's a rockstar. 
We have our handsome grandkids hanging out for a bit and Nate Egan's wife and sisters here as well. 
They think Howie is pretty special.

Me too.

Matt and Tara

Justin hanging out on the bed cause Howie is SICK of it.

Lynsey and Matt

Sara and I giving hugs

"ooh I love him so much!"

Dear friends Mike and Nita and Shelby.