Candice's Post

 

Lynsey kicked me out. I've been up for about 30 hours and I'm told I'm losing my coping skills. 
So I'm not there. 
And it is so hard. I can't stop crying.

I'm trying to nap. 
Not working.

But this little post from my baby girl brought me such joy. 
Love you angel baby.

 

The following is a post that Candice put on Facebook.

I was so overcome with emotion at reading it. She expressed such tender feelings towards her dad.

I wanted to make sure that I didn't ever lose it.
 

 

Today has been a tender day. I was able to have my first conversation with dad. It's like, coming up for air, taking in that first inhale after holding your breath for so long. Life is so busy when I'm working, it's easy to push the thoughts of the... "what if this had happened, or this, or this..." but at the end of the night. It just kind of creeps on you.

My dad is the man of my life. I often feel I don't deserve such a fantastic person to mentor and guide me, and be in my corner, always. He is perfect in my eyes, and always has been. I've known this and often get emotional over it... long before this happened. He is.. my constant. I always know what he's going to say, how he would feel or act about something going on in my life.

As I get older, haha, I find his words often coming out of my mouth. Then I start giggling at myself, then I hear my dads voice in my mind saying "sometimes I crack myself up! 😂" because he is literally laughing at and with himself.

I can never begin to describe how I feel at this time. It's a second chance. A chance that many never get. My heart is full. So full.

My mom is an angel. She too, is perfect in my eyes. She has been so strong... stronger than me. She adores my dad. It's sickening at times haha, but they are One in my eyes. The oxen and yolk. Equal in their efforts to be tough enough to lift the other in times of trial, but unstoppable when there is work to do.

God is good. So good. My family is amazing. My husband has been so supportive and understanding. I'm sorry I've kind of put you on the back burner babe...

All of your kind words of encouragement and support have been answered prayers. Thank you everyone, love you all.

#howardstrong

Candice wearing her #HowardStrong t-shirt

Our beautiful baby girl.

 

Tender Moments and Tender Mercies

I had a very tender night with my Miracle Man #Howardstrong.

He's been coming out of the fog of sedation and remembering more of the events of "the day". It's caused him to be very anxious. He feels frustrated because he was "doing everything right" he was exercising and eating right. And he still had a heart attack.

I have reminded him because he did those things he was strong enough to withstand the insult to his heart. His lung capacity is excellent. His muscles are strong. His heart muscle is strong.

Sometimes you just can't beat genetics. His father died at this exact age of a cardiac arrest. His older brother died at 54. He has an older sister who has had two heart attacks.

During the dark restless hours of his night I read to him some of the countless messages and comments. He was overwhelmed and just sobbed. He just is so amazed at the outpouring of love. 
I had to quit reading for awhile to give him a chance to take it all in. 
But later he would ask a question about a person or event and I would read more. 
He feels so incredibly thankful.

We realized the many little miracles that occurred to bring about the mighty miracle we have today it reinforced my favorite scripture. 
" and I will go before your face and I will be on your right side and your left and mine angels will go before you"
Through my tears last night I tried to quote him that scripture and we cried together.

So thankful. So incredibly grateful

And this morning a hearty meal.

 

HOW DO YOU THANK THEM?

 

#Howardstrong
This. 
These people. 
They were there at Teton Crossfit. 
They called the ambulance. 
They started CPR.

 
They saved his life. 

There are no words for the utter gratitude and joy I have for them.

And my ICU nurse daughter was unable to contain her emotions either. 
We understand the odds he has beat so far.

Nani Bartholick Ryan Malm and Rachel. And there were several others that were there. 
And Jennica Watson Hirrlinger you got him addicted to the sport.

I love you forever.

Lynsey could not let go of Nani.

 

We are all so incredibly thankful.

They were our angels that day.

They acted.

They saved his life.

 

 

Movin' on Up!

Upstairs that is.

Time to leave the ICU.

Wow, I am so very thankful for these incredible nurses and doctors that have made such a difference.

They have given such tender care to Howie and have been so kind and gracious to us.

I'm sure we were overwhelming to them.

 

We had so many family and friends. They tried to keep the visitors to a minimum, but Howie is so loved and there were so many that wanted to give their love and support.

And we were so thankful that rules were bended to give him that love.

#Howardstrong

Lynsey hooking up the telemetry unit.

Her ICU experience kicks in.

I think he would rather be going home, but the Cardiac Care room 429 is where he will be until his surgery.

Tentatively scheduled for the 14th.

Yes, You Can Have a Bandaid!

Funny for the day. 
Funny to me anyway.

For those that know me, I'm a nurse. 
I've worked in the ER for the last 20 years. 
I think I've seen it all. (Occasionally I'm surprised)
Anyway, when I get home after a shift, my sympathy and compassion button is all used up.

If my kids complained about an ache or pain, injury or blood, I would say go take a Motrin or rub some dirt on it. 
Kind of a running joke at our house.

Sorry Nate Egan about not believing you when you broke your hand, and I told you it hadn't fallen off yet so you were fine. Ya broken. 3 days later I take him to the doc, he had to have sedation to reset it. #momfail

So last night Howie was restless. His feet were cold, they were hot, he wanted to be in the chair, he wanted to walk, he wanted water, no he wanted ice, now his feet were hot. Just nonstop. 
He kinda recognized that he was being a difficult patient. The kind that I might come home from work and complain about. 
He apologized for being such a pain.

I told him, honey I am just so thankful for you and all of your irritating little complaints right now, you're going to get away with anything! You ask for it you're gonna get it.

He looked at me and said " so does that mean you'll let me have bandaids now?"
And then he laughed at himself.

The little stinker.

Lynsey and Candice.....Lovin' daddy!

Howie and his girls.

 

Lynsey spent the night with Howie.

We never left him alone.

We figured between the two of us, he would always have a nurse at his bedside.

And no one loves him more than us.

This was the sweet scene when I got to the ICU at 5:00 AM

 

 

MIRACLE MAN!

My miracle man!!

He's been awake for about 10 hours trying to come out of the fog of sedation.

His vital signs have been stable. He isn't requiring any oxygen.

We don't have a definitive plan yet, but they are thinking open heart on Tuesday or Wednesday.

He will remain in hospital until that time.

Our family is so thankful for all of you. I'm getting bits and pieces of the story from the events prior to arrival in the ER.

Nani Bartholick Ryan Malm Kristin Stever Wolfe Dallin weeks Keith and others. You did ALL the right things. You saved his life. Thank you for being a family to him. He loves you. 
Even though you make fun of all the missed box jumps and scraped shins.

Madison County Paramedics. You will always be my heroes. I love you forever.

Jennica Watson Hirrlinger thank you for giving Howie a love for crossfit. For taking him trail running. Telling convincing him that spartan competition would be fun.

I love my neighbors and co-workers and so many at Madison Memorial who have reached out with love and prayers and support.

My family. Oh my family. I love you.

And Howie. You are my miracle. 
But no. Even though you keep asking.... you can't go to crossfit in the morning.

 

First Words....

 

Howie was extubated this morning around 9:00.
He is fighting to come out of the sedation.

"I wanna go home"

My ICU nurse daughter reassuring him.

 

Sitting in the chair

My son Matt talking to dad about what happened.

His first words...."I wanna go home"

Not yet.
#Howardstrong

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

 

As I sit here and try to process the events of this last 30+ hours, I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and so amazed at the countless people that have reached out with love and faith and prayers in Howie's behalf.

I will never be able to pay it back. I can only hope to pay it forward.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your faith and prayers.

Last night I was in Howie's room alone. I was afraid to leave. I just wanted to watch him and touch him. I thought if I did those things he wouldn't dare leave me.

I began reading the texts and messages from Facebook and the posts. I began crying and couldn't contain it all.

Thank you. I love you.
You will never know the strength that it gave me.

After they allowed him to wake up and he followed all commands, we started to explain to him what had happened. He understood and you could tell he wanted to ask questions.  He was quite anxious.

The doctor only allowed that to happen for a short time and he recognized the anxiety Howie was having. He explained to him that he needed to be calm and rest, so they were going to continue with sedation and keep him intubated for the night.

So I left the hospital with the kids to go stay in a nearby hotel.
I am at peace right now.
He was resting quietly.

Again. Thank you.
You have been angels for me.