Then add to that an entire ton of cooking oil, applied to that previously described surface.
AND THEN apply a liberal dose of Lemon Pledge. (cuz it smells good)
This is a surface so smooth and clear and glistening that you could look into it and apply makeup. Or pluck out stray chin hairs
What I have described for you is not a magnified mirror. Nope! What I have described are the roads in my part of the country today.
We had no less that 10 MVA's come in by ambulance or private car within about a 3 hour block of time! I ran my fanny off I'm hear to tell ya! OK I obviously didn't run it off since it's still amply there.
And to the mid-20 year old person from another state that shall remain anomymous who complained bitterly that THIS "stupid" state probably could afford to put down a little sand. (yes he really did say stupid) Who further went on to insult my fair state and pretty much everyone that has ever passed through this state. I'm sure you are a very good driver as you're driving without your seatbelt and were doing just fine passing all the other cars that had rolled or had run off the road. Yes, I'm pretty sure you were in a hurry and that's why you were in the passing lane going mach 50 and yes I'm sure that idiot in front of you really should have gotten out of your very important way.
I just have one thing to say to you as you are lying on my gurney in a C-collar, on a backboard, strapped down....with your clothes cut off...I love scissors...."Sir, I'm sorry you were so inconvenienced today by the snow storm. It must be a real bummer for you to have run off the road, smashed your car and now have to get a citation from some of those officers from my fair state because of your "awesome" ninja driving skills. It's fortunate that you only caused 1 person to run off the road. I just want you to remember a couple of things here:"
#1. There were a bunch of people that got from point A to point B and stayed on the road.
#2. I am the one with the ninja scissors! I ain't afraid to use them.
#3. My mother does NOT wear Army boots. (However, my son does and I'm proud of it)
That is all.
Nurse Pirhana (rhymes with Tauna)